


That's life

by Choerrysroach



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:54:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22662079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Choerrysroach/pseuds/Choerrysroach
Summary: Yeojin feels the emptiness in her chest and doesn't think anyone can save her. Vivi becomes her savior.
Relationships: yeovi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	That's life

**Author's Note:**

> This was odd for me to write. I've only told one person in my life about the emotions that I wrote into Yeojin that I feel myself haha. I've noticed that there aren't a lot of yeojin focused stories and id really like to help change that. Unfortunately I was feeling really depressed hence why I wrote this so admittedly this probably wasn't the best start hehe. Tell me if its bad or not or which parts were good or which ones sucked!

She knew she wasn't anyone's favorite. Didn't matter if it were the other members or her parents, she knew she would at best be someones second choice. That was ok. It had to be ok, because if it wasn't then she didn't know how she would cope. 

Yeojin remembered when she was six, her parents were fighting again. Something about school or taxes but that wasn't important, at least not to her it wasn't. She remembered feeling the pit form in her stomach as she put her ear under her door to hear them better. They were talking about her. Her below average grades even while she was that young, or how she had no friends because of how weird she was. It wasn't her fault that she was loud or got exited about everything. She couldn't help it... why couldn't they see that? She remembered crawling back into her bed and squishing her face into the pillow when while she started crying. Remembered that the pillow smelled old and weird when she was gasping for air while trying to muffle her sobs. 

She knew they always wanted another kid, they kept pretending that she didn't hear them when they talked about it late at night. The knew she could hear them but they never stopped! She didn't want to be born if her own parents didn't want her. Maybe it was her grades? She would never be smart enough to fix them. Maybe it was her personality? Her personality was the only thing that made her, her. Maybe it was how her eyebrows and eyes moved weirdly even if she couldn't control it? She wouldn't be able to fix what a pathetic failure she was, she knew that and yet, and yet she wanted to. She hated being herself because who would ever want to be with her? 

Things changed though, or at least she thought things did. When she became a member of loona she suddenly had friends! Sure she knew Haseul and Yerim before joining, but this was different! They hung out all the time, even if all Hyunjin did was insult her she knew she didn't mean it. Even when Haseul and Vivi were talking and she had to force her way into their conversation to ever be apart of it. It made a pit form in her stomach as she watched it happen. She was watching the pairs of members group off and laugh with each other while she just, watched. She hated it. She hated not having any attention on her, they were supposed to be different, not like her parents, not pretending like she wasn't here, or that she couldn't hear them when one of them rolled their eyes at her and called her loud. There was no one. Jiwoo had Sooyoung, Hyejoo had Chaewon and Yerim, Haseul had Vivi, Jungeun had Jinsoul, Heejin had Hyunjin. Why couldn't anyone love her? Was she not good enough? Could they all see how pathetic she was? 

As the month went by the constant emptiness she felt only grew. She didn't cry anymore, all she did was stare at the bunk above her without actually thinking of anything. She started to wish that she wouldn't wake up every time she fell asleep. Sometimes in the dark while the other members were sleeping she would imagine what she would say to each of them before slitting her own wrists in that bathtub in her old house back home. She knew it probably wasn't healthy to think like that but she thought it wasn't bad, its not like she would do anything. She thought that for a while before she almost did. It was a normal day, she was going to the bathroom before the thought of grabbing a small knife from the kitchen and slitting her wrists entered her mind. There was no question, she thought it and she immediately sat up and started walking to the door to grab the knife, before she stopped herself. She wasn't shocked, how could she be when all she felt was nothing? 

It had been a few years since then, she was seventeen now and the other members didn't baby her as much anymore. She was free to go out on their days off without being questioned. Maybe this was her chance, she used to tell herself. Maybe now that she was more off on her own she could find someone who would look at her first? Who would need her like she needed someone else? She knew about high school parties, after all, that night was the night she first went to one. They weren't popular in Korea so she knew she didn't need to cover up or anything.   
After getting drunk some cheep beer in a weird red solo cup she knew this was her shot, her confidence was bolstered by the drink and she willingly let herself go. Next thing she knew she was being dragged upstairs by some guy she didn't know. She remembered the initial pain, but it eventually wore off. She remembered scratching down his back while his mouth was on hers. She could feel it, he wanted her as much as she wanted someone to want her. He was only thinking of her in this moment, even if it was only how she felt around him. It didn't matter. It wasn't all that she earned for, but it was enough. 

When she got home that night they could tell something was wrong with her. The way Haseul furrowed her eyebrows while looking at her, or how Hyejoo did a slight double take when she first glanced at her. If her slight limp wasn't enough, then the hickey that she hadn't noticed on her neck definitely was. There was yelling. If she were being honest, she was still slightly drunk and very tired so she tuned most of it out. It seemed like Vivi was the only one who noticed that though as she glared at Haseul who shut up real quick, before slowly walking her back to the shared room. It was slow and intimate, the way Vivi calmly sat her down and slowly wiped the makeup off of her face. Yeojin could feel her soothing hands along her body as Vivi helped her undress and put sleep clothes on. 

Their shared silence was peaceful even though Yeojin could hardly concentrate on anything. She could feel how empty she was and how that feeling was consuming her before Vivi slowly wrapped her arms around her and laid them both down. Vivi's back was flushed up against Yeojin's as Vivi held her there, her hand slowly rubbing up and down her arm in a soothing way. They stayed like that for a while before Vivi eventually started talking. She talked about her life in Hong Kong, about how her parents used to expect so much from her so she started rebelling in the worst ways. She would get drunk a lot and used to sleep around a lot because she felt like she was getting them back in some way. She talked about how she was never satisfied with anything she did and how tired of it all she was when she came to Korea. About how angry and stressed she was wall the time because Korean was hard to learn, and dancing was hard to learn and she had nobody to help her. Then Haseul came into the mix, Haseul was every thing to her. She was always there for whenever she had trouble, and in return Vivi was there for her as well. Yeojin didn't know when she started crying, but she couldn't stop the sobs from coming. 

After so many years of just being glazed over while living and pretending to be happy for everyone else, it felt painful and embarrassing to sob like that, but she couldn't help it. She remembered facing Vivi and sobbing into her neck while Vivi held her close and rubbed her back. After her sobs quieted down she remembered Vivi saying, “Tell me whats wrong, baby.” in her slightly accented Korean. So she did. She told her about how her parents hated her and were glad that they could send her off to Soul at sucha young age to be rid of her. She told her about how she had nobody, how all the other members had a best friend in the group but she didn't. She didn't have any friends at school and she hated being there. She even told her about how good it felt to finally feel wanted while the guy from the party was inside of her. Throughout all of it Vivi just laid there in silence while rubbing Yeojin's back. When she was done talking Vivi kissed her head and told her it'll get better from here. And surprisingly enough it did.  
Vivi forced the company to take her to therapy and after that she started taking anti depressants. Haseul never brought up that night or the hickeys that Yeojin knew she had a problem with, but it didn't matter. Haseul eventually got over it when she realized that what Vivi and Yeojin had talked about that night, they would never tell another soul. She was, happier. The void inside her chest that ached more often then not wasn't so strong anymore, and it was because Vivi had seen her. Vivi had looked at her from across the room that night and knew she needed help. Yeojin loved Vivi unconditionally and she finally knew that even if Haseul would always be her first choice, it truly was fine because she knew Vivi loved her as much as she loved Vivi. And even more surprisingly? That was truly enough for her.


End file.
